I'm sad tonight. Sometimes it feels like you try so hard. You work. You sweat. You pray. But it doesn't work out the way that you'd have liked it to. That's when I realize once again, that although I have done what I could, as have others, God is the One who is in control. It isn't that I'm a control freak and need to be corrected, it's just the best way to remember to look at things. It matters that we mortals try. But it is God who makes it all happen--or not.

And if not, then somehow there is something else. Something better than a mere mortal could have contemplated w/in my limited human experience. This is surely to be the case as has always been the case throughout human history. Knowing this, I understand that I should be happy. But forgive me, today I find distressing. Earlier, I was more than distressed, I was disturbed. Being at Mass has been quite helpful. It was the most powerful message about prayer that I have heard in a long time. Interestingly, I think it was not a message delivered in a speech of motivation, really. I think it was more of a profile of a saint. I don't even recall her name, mostly because I was in no frame of mind to care about anything but running to God and climbing into His lap and crying in His arms.

Father Matt spoke of many types of prayer. He explained just a bit about the different ways that one can pray. It wasn't deep, but for me, there was a deeper meaning that gripped me than would have in a detailed lesson on prayer. It was enough to sooth my soul to some degree. And it was as if God was holding me closer than I expected Him to. And then I wondered about how I had come to a place where I had not expected His love to engulf me, when I had run to Him unreservedly.

Somehow, I had gotten away from my deeply personal and interactive prayer life. I have continued to pray, but with being so busy and knowing how much responsibility I have and going forward with trying to do my best to get us through a rough time, I have prayed less and I have prayed differently. Lately I have prayed to make sure that I have prayed. It used to be that I had prayed because I had something to say to my Father God and I was open to hear what He had to say to me. The thing is, I still hear Him. Just as He spoke to me today at church. Like a good parent, He saw me stumble and He assisted me right away so that I can go forward again, but now strengthened as a child is with the encouragement from her parent.

This post can apply to any situation; but for the record, my feelings were brought on due to watching the Notre Dame commencement proceedings with a president who advances an extreme anti-life agenda receiving an honor in law there and then giving the commencement speech. Ironically, pro-life believers in Christ were arrested on the same campus. Additionally, when someone spoke out for life during his speech, Catholics chanted against the sole pro-life voice  and the person was removed from the ceremony.

Today is a historic day. For Catholics. For America. Not for what was seen today at Notre Dame. But for what will be seen tomorrow because of what happened at Notre Dame today. That will be a very different matter. Today and Notre Dame is ground zero. A spiritual battle has begun. We are the soldiers of the light. God is in control.